Name & Surname

Sometimes amusing discussion brings out interesting truth of our society. Yesterday I had very healthy discussion with one of my friends about ‘Name’ and ‘Surname’. This discussion reminds me two incidents that took place more than ten years back in Bihar.

During our graduation days, we had a good friend Rajesh Yadav. He was very popular among us. We had  given him many informal names .For us he was Raju, Raj, Rajesh, RY, yadav.  When his sister's marriage was fixed, he  invited all of us . We were the group of six and all of them reached to marriage house one day before the marriage ceremony. After reaching to the place, very soon we gelled with the family and took the responsibilities for arrangements of marriage ceremony. Among us, we had a friend Chandan, who used to address Rajesh as Yadav. Chandan was coordinating with labors for decoration. Many times, he needed Rajesh’s instructions for proper decoration of hall for that frequently he would call out ‘Yadav’.  After hearing his shrill voice, Rajesh would respond loudly either from second or third floor of the building. Everyone who was present there noticed this unusal but amusing way of communication. In night, after dinner, Rajesh’s uncle (perhaps he was a senior officer of State commission cadre) called Chandan and reprimanded him for calling Rajesh as ‘Yadav’.
Chandan was aghast. He remonstrated ‘But uncle from the beginning I have been addressing him ‘Yadav’. He never said me anything against it’.
‘ Addressing him Yadav appears very offensive. You may call your friend Rajesh by any names but when you use word ‘Yadav’ for him you should use ‘Yadav ji’ –uncle said this seriously.
‘Ji for friend ?'- chandan made a funny face.
“No – ‘ji’ to give respect his caste, his bloodline, his ancestors, his family. Here Rajesh is not only ‘Yadav’ whole family is .Name can be informal, Surname cannot be. It is better to address friends by his name but if you are using surname, you must give proper respect to Surname.”
Meanwhile Rajesh keeping fingers on his lips gave Chandan signal to keep quite before uncle. Chandan reciprocated accordingly. This discussion was over, but one good outcome of this discussion was that after that Chandan never addressed Rajesh as ‘Yadav’.

Second incident took place after few months of this incident. Bank Manager Mahto uncle had given a party in his house. Mahto uncle’s son Mithilesh is my friend. Mithlesh had invited some of his college friends in the party. His one college friend was constantly addressing him ‘Mahto- mahto’ loudly. One old woman admonished the guy – ‘Will you have to pay money or tax to say Mahto ji or Mahto Babu. You will not become small if you address your friend with respect. What kind of education you are getting in the college?’ his college friend was apologetic. Everybody present in the party agreed with the old woman.

These two incidents made me conscious about surnames. There is no denying the fact that India is a caste based society and a majority of our fellow citizens identify themselves with their own caste. Many people feel offended if their surname that generally denote their caste, not addressed with proper respect. Generally I address my friends by their names only but if I have to address by surname I never forget to add ‘ji or Babu’ suffix.  In my opinion giving respect to the name and the surname of any individual whether s/he is younger one or elder one, educated or illiterate, rich or poor, officer or peon is equivalent to respecting our self and we should respect our self.